we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he thought i was a dude.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
