I'm lost and stupid without you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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