why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
