Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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