You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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