Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
