i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
