does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
