cat food counts as protein by the way
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
