I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
