Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
