my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You can't special order awesome
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
