Porn is love you can see.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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