Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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