My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
