but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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