Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
