i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
