Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just invented taco cereal.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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