i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
