Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
