i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
