I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
