I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
