This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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