My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
