I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
