Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
