I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
