Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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