i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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