I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
