My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
