thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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