its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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