I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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