Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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