So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
