oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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