Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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