Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
