Barsexuality is the new black.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
