The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The air taste purple.
Randomize
