i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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