I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
