I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
