Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
