Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
