Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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