exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
