did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
