You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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