there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You took a bar mat shot.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
