Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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