i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
