So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
