we have pet lesbian snakes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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