you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
