david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
