my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
